Time is slowly teaching me. Or I should put it this way: I am slowly learning from time.
Patience. The appreciation of small things. That I don’t have to prove myself. That I can begin to love myself, with all my cracks and dents and bruises. And, very slowly, to accept that God, Goddess, the universe, loves me.
It’s taught me that I don’t need to play fast things on my instruments because, the fact is, I no longer can. It’s slowly teaching me, and this is such a long journey, to love my own voice, even as my voice ages.
Time has taught me to love my attachments. I know that’s counter, quote, “spiritual,” unquote. But, you know, my attachment to my wife, my attachment to my son, I cherish those attachments. Even though I know that deep attachment also has with it pain. But that’s okay, because the love is so strong.
I won’t say that time has taught me to look towards death with equanimity. I wouldn’t say that. And time hasn’t taught me to accept the aches and pains of time, you know, of an older body.
But time has taught me that the smallest prayer is equal to the largest prayer. And that a baby step towards God is a very, very, very big thing.
Time has taught me that if I, in this life, have put my teeny little toe, just for one moment, in the ocean of Bhakti, or the ocean of unconditional love, just for one moment, then life has been a good life.
Oh gosh, I still fight ageing. I still mourn for my lost youth. But time has also taught me that grace surrounds me, regardless of what I do or don’t do.
Time has taught me not to regret the years that I spent in alcoholism, but to use that experience to increase my compassion for other people, for other people’s suffering.
Time has told me that I was very, very lucky to meet my guru when I was 19. And time has revealed that he is still touching so many people, years after having left his physical form.
Time has taught me to accept the fact that I love to watch television. Okay, that’s too much.
But, you know, just to slowly, slowly ease away self-judgment. Self-criticism.
